Friday, November 9, 2012

3 years

In 3 weeks it will be 3 years since I have been able to kiss and hold my firstborn child.  Words can't express the deep emotions embedded within me for this sweet son of mine.  I pray everyday he can feel my love for him.  I pray I can feel him close.  3 years has changed me and I do feel like I have learned and grown in my grief.  I have been able to donate some of the extra medical supplies I had of his that took me a while to part with. 
My computer mouse pad is a picture of Kaden.  Karter loves to play with it and tonight brought it to me while I was sitting in the family room and said what sounded like "Brother" to Rusty and I. 
People have asked what I want to have (because I am expecting our third child) and I really don't care either way.  I would love for Karter to have a little brother.  It makes me sad that he is the little brother to Kaden and he will never get to meet him here in this life.  I'll never forget that he was blessed by Rusty to have a special bond with him....He sees his picture here and kisses him.  I like to think he is getting to play with his brother in his dreams.  But it sure would be fun to have a girl just because we have not had one.  BUT I know with all my heart I will LOVE and nuture him/her just like I did and do LOVE each of my boys.

I am grateful for pictures like this that remind me of times I was physically able to show my Kaden that his mommy LOVES him! :)