Sunday, May 30, 2010

Grateful people are remembering him..........

Today I was completely in tears overwhelmed with GRATITUDE that people are remembering Kaden and doing good for him.


I would like to encourage all my readers to DONATE to Smile Train in honor of Kaden
On June 5th is his 1st birthday.
Let's make June a big month!!!
you can purchase from Megan's website and 10% will go to Smile Train!!

{recieved via facebook}
Megan (a NICU mom/Friend) May 29 at 10:43am

Spitz and Splatterz is Back!!

First I read your blog and huge congrats. I am so excited for you and Rusty!
Second, I am working hard this weekend to get my website up and running...I am attaching the first post to this message. I wanted you to read it (the part about smile train) and make sure you are ok with it...and be honest!! Also, is it ok if I use a picture of Kaden? Do you have one you want me to attach? If not, I understand! I am hoping to launch via email and facebook this week (Mon or Tues) so I am hoping we can raise lots of money for Smile Train!!
Here is the blog post:

Lots of new things to point out:
1. We still have lots of great burp cloth packages in two pack and three pack options.

2. Lots of new items - including fabulous fabric flowers!! Fabric flowers can be used as hairbows for little kids and big kids (adults). A great option for glamming up a plain tshirt and jeans or adding some color to a plain colored work outfit (like scrubs). You pick the flower and then let me know if you want a pin, alligator slip, or french barrette on the back.....

3. Can we say HAIRBOWS....super cute hairbows that can be added to headbands for little ones, or clipped in for big kids....just let me know if you want me to add a gripper to the clip (great for fine hair).

Each month Spitz and Splatterz will donate 10 percent of ALL sales to a children's charity. The birth of my preemie and subsequent 5 month NICU stay made me realize that I needed to do something to help babies and their parents.
I am so excited to donate to our first charity. 10 percent of all sales in June will be donated to Smile Train in honor of Kaden Fife. On June 5th we will donate 20 percent of all sales to Smile Train to celebrate Angel Kaden's birthday.
How do I begin to do justice to such an amazing little man and his incredible family. I can't but I am going to try. Kaden was in the NICU with my daughter and he was the most amazing little miracle boy. Born at 24 weeks he faced so many struggles and he fought and fought to go home with his mom and dad. Sadly after going home he faced a big setback and went on to a better place.
This month all donations will be to honor not only him but his family. Kaden's mom is amazing. She is a fighter too....she fights to make sure all her son's memories are kept here in our world and she shows the world through her blog that people can face the unimaginable with grace.
To learn more about Kaden and Smile Train check out the below blog:

Thank you for taking the time to check out our Spitz and Splatterz blog!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I went to the Mariposa Gardens
to place new flowers in
Kaden's Vase.

I sat on the ground and cried.
out loud
I didn't care if anyone saw or heard

The flowers I put there are artificial flowers
from the centerpieces
that were at Rusty and I reception.
would have thought I would be placing those flowers
on my son's grave.

We are going out of town again.
I felt the urge and need to go visit and have a little talk with Kaden.
I talk to him out loud.
I don't care if that is wierd.

I wish he were here...
this week has been really strange.
SO exciting...
SoOo Heartwrenching.

These days of last year are like glue in my memory.
They will NEVER be erased

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Have you HeArD!!?

The HECK with waiting to tell people!
We are excited!
{VERY shortly after deciding we wanted to have another baby and
after having talked with my Parinatologist about getting pregnant again we did!}
What a wonderful Birthday present for our little bubba to give us!
My first appointment is in two weeks!

We are hoping for the best and will keep everyone in tune!

His Birthday is coming up....

Wishing you were celebrate you! MISS and LOVE YOU!

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Last Year today...
I was exactly 22 weeks pregnant.
I was at my mom's house.
I think I remember getting stressed and worried about Kaden's Cleft.
SILLY now...

It was just another typical day of pregnancy bedrest.
I started feeling cruddy like usual.
I didn't feel too...too...bad like I was in labor or something
I had been feeling like that ALOT my whole pregnancy so I just thought oh this is just typical
it wasn't


5-8 minutes apart
at a 1 and 80%
like that

the fight got even harder.
Bedrest at home-piece of cake
Bedrest at hospital

But I did what I could...
bed pan, catheter, labor bed, mind games and all
I fought for my little fighter.
I will never forget an episode of thinking we were going to loose him
The nurse put on the doppler
to find his heartbeat
it was PERFECT!
She said "WOW...he is a little fighter!"
yes oh yes he was!

I knew I felt different today.
now I know why.
I can't believe it's been a whole year

His birthday is coming up.
and I am a bit nervous.
It is just not fair to have a birthday party for your child who is not here.
I am sure it will be bitter sweet.
{Like the day he was born in a way}

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A quote I like...

something we all,
at one time or another,
take for granted.
We all strive to lead a happy successful life,
but how is that done?
One of the easiest ways is to maintain a POSITIVE attitude,
to CHERISH the simple things in life.
There is a saying that for us summarizes this well,
"What I do TODAY is important, because I am EXCHANGING a day (a whole day) of my life for it." Reflect on those words and keep your attitude positive-find the good in every situation.

I got this from my manager in our staff meeting.  It is really incredible isn't it!? 

Mandy-a women I got to know on my lake powell trip inspired me when she said this...

You wake up every morning
with a certain amount of energy.
what you do with that energy is your choice.
Every time you get mad
you are using up that alloted energy.
Every time you choose to be happy
you use up some energy.

How do you want to spend your energy!?

Lake Powell Pictures!!

More to come....

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Any NEW person I meet tends to ask similar questions.
Ya know the the "get to know you" questions.
they almost always ask
without failure
if I have children


I always answer
he lived for 6 months.

in shock...
most people respond in shock.
never really knowing how to respond
what to say.

Some people are gracious.
Some people ignore the answer and ask about something else.

I will never stop answering that question without including Kaden.
No matter how akward a conversation can get.

I will not let his death define me.
I am his mother.
He is my son.
That is that.
It is eternal.


I have been pondering A LOT today.

It all started with a beautiful video.

You must watch it.
You must read it.

They will inspire you.
as they did me...

I want to be better.

How do I spend all my time?
it...will and is going to change.

Thank you for inspiring me.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Our weekend...

First it started with Friday being my birthday!! I turned a whooping 23 years old.  I feel so much older...but in so many ways act SO much younger.  I can't believe it.  22 was a crazy year.  I always said I wanted to have my first child when I was 22.  Never would have thought I would have had my first and lost my first in the same year. NEVER would have thought that. I am so grateful for my sweet son Kaden.  He taught me so much.  He taught me SO much and continues to teach and guide my life.  I love him dearly and to say I miss him it just seems so tright.

The Gila Valley Arizona LDS Temple
On our way to my cousin's baptism our family attended
the temple open house
{before it is dedicated a house of the Lord anyone is able to enter}

Mother's Day-2010

Last year I was on bedrest praying my sweet little boy to make it here safe and sound.
The Lord had something else in store.
This mother's day was very bitter sweet.
Once a mother-Always a mother.
to not really be needed temporly is heartbreaking.

I was fortunate to attend my mother's ward on sunday.
I was also fortunate to be friends of the sweet man speaking.
I think he knew I would be attending...but maybe not?
He spoke beautifully of wonderful mothers in the scriptures and then he made mention
of the mother's whose children had been called Home to our Heavenly Home.
Instanely I lost my breath.
All choked up trying to HOLD back the tears.
He spoke beautifully of how we too are mother's who are choosen.

To be acknowledge as a mother was not only thoughtful but brought me much peace.
THANK will never know how grateful I am to not only be acknowledged but thought about.
I loved this quote he said:
"God gave us memories, that we might have June Roses in the December of our lives."

Thank you Kaden for choosing me as your mother.
I am blessed to have you as my son.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Dear 22,

You were good to me.
You brought me LOTS of Joy.
You were also VERY bad to me.
I Forgive you!
23 will hopefully be a little nicer to me than you
Love ya!

Bring it on 23!!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

You want my take on Mother's Day?

I have been thinking about this day.
Hopeing it would just disappear.
My Birthday is this Friday.
it is "Mother's Day"

It is interesting how perspective changes
Last mother's day I wrote this.

I am grateful to be a Mother.
I am grateful for my wonderful Mother and Mother in law
I feel sorry for myself that Kaden was never physically in my arms on "Mother's Day"
I know I am eternally Kaden's mother.

I can't help it.
Mother's Day
{only because we focus so much on the here and now}

Yes that's right!
This outfit was one of the first outfits he wore. [he was like 2-3lbs here.]

There are women this mother's day who hurt
they hurt because they lost
they have never had
they long to have

a child.

Keep these women in your prayers.
this mother's day for me
will you squeeze them extra tight!?

I will celebrate being a Mother
I feel a little gipped.
robbed of his physical presence in this life.
I know I will have him again.
in the meantime
I can do
is try to come closer to our Heavenly Father
that is the best
I can do for my son.

"Motherhood is a great blessing—
a blessing so valuable that it goes beyond this life and on into the eternities."
{I got this from my friend Jess blog---thanks}

happy mother's day!

Monday, May 3, 2010


The Cherry Blossom Trees were BEAUTIFUL!!!
{can you tell we are friends?!---as we got dressed we both laughed!}
yes he always smiles like this.
{if you can call it that}
distance makes my heart grow and I felt such an emense love for him
and to see him was so nice
{OH to see him again...would be so nice}

yes 5 hours at the spa
5 months gone.
entirely. way. too. long.
I miss you Kaden so much.


A much needed vacation with a much needed friend.
thank you for
laughing with me.
laughing at me.
relaxing with me.
crying with me.
enjoying with me.