Saturday, December 26, 2009

Our Christmas this year....

Grandma and Grandpa
My two sisters and one of my brothers came with us. As we stood around his grave I started to cry and I asked them to share memories of Kaden. They made me laugh and gave me lots of hugs yesterday.

This was the Hardest part of the day...realizing Kaden wasn't here to celebrate and be loved on. Here is our usual picture.

My Grandma Sharpy added that Red Stocking with the Angel and the wood toy.

As always Rusty and I spent Christmas Eve with his family. We went to his brother Jim's house. We played our game, we ate dinner, we exchanged gifts, and we enjoyed each others company. I missed my little Kaden's company. As I looked at pictures of him that day...I could feel him really strong. I felt his sweet spirit and I know he was with us in spirit. I wish I could of dressed him up all cute for his first family gathering with the Fife Family...I pictured Christmas very different.

We then went over to my mother in laws house...they opened a few gifts and we chated. Mark and Annie came over with a gift for Rusty and I from Rusty's cousins...probably one of the most thoughtful gifts...although I have been a recipient of many lately. They put together a book with pictures of Kaden and my blog entries from the time e decided on his name. I almost lost it...but I held in my emotions with all the attention and excitement of such a gift. I am so grateful for the time put into that book. It will be something I cherish and my children will grow to learn about their brother they never got to meet. We love it.

Then Rusty and I went home. It was about One in the morning when we decided to stuff each other's stockings and as I went out and was stuffing it with his stocking stuffers in the trunk of the Honda he came out with my stocking and about 3 cars down opened the Toyota trunk and stuffed my stocking. We cracked up! Then we decided to open at least one gift from each other. Rusty got me a new phone cause I had lost mine! Then we ended up opening all our gifts because I have a big kid named Rusty who was too excited to go to bed! :)

I was deffinately spoiled from him and pleasantly suprised by some gifts. He was so thoughtful! Rusty and I went to bed leaving Kaden's presents to be opened at my mom's house. I couldn't bare the thought of having to do it by ourselves. We then went to my mom and dad's in the morning. We exchanged gifts. My mom wrote a child story about Kaden called The Prince who became a King. It is going to be fun to read to our little children. I also got a nativity I really wanted that I saw.

Then we opened Kaden's gifts. I never wanted it to be this way. We still need to decide what to do with them. We talked about memories as we opened them. Then we went to the cemetary Pictures above. That was the hardest part of the day. I missed him so much yesterday but in so many ways I feel so numb. Almost still in shock that he is gone for time. It's so hard to not just visit him when I miss him. I am grateful for my knowledge. I am grateful for the thoughtful gifts and for people who ackowledged that it would be a hard Christmas this year for us.

I liked this poem:

I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year

I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below.
with tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear;
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear.
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
I cannot tell you of the splendor or the peace inside this place
Can you imagine Christmas with our Savior, Face to Face?

I will ask him to light your spirit as I tell him of your love.
So them pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
Afer all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

How to HeLp....

This picture makes me sad. It also makes me happy that I put my Christmas tree up really early this year. Thos presents are still under our tree. They are Kaden's. Two are books. One is 3 month shirts. And the last one is toys from baby einstein. We will still open them. What we will do with them I am not sure...maybe keep them for our next baby? I don't know. We never got a Christmas with our sweet Kaden. For that it makes me soo sad.

This past Sunday in church I lost it and went to the bathroom that no one goes to to cry. There was a baby blessing. A little girl whose mom and I were pregnant at the same time due only days apart. She had her baby on my due date. The "what if's" and "if onlys" started pilling in my head. I know I shouldn't do that...but it happens. The mom obviously knew I would probably have a hard time and came up to me, gave me a hug, and told me she loved me. thoughtful. very thoughtful.

Constantly, people tell me they don't know what to say to me. They try to avoid bringing their kids around me thinking that I am going to do who knows what? The avoid me like I have the plague! I have found a girls blog who I am stealing this from. Her name is Bethany. She also lost her son. Hope this helps you to know how to deal with a person who is grieving the loss of a loved one.
1. First and formost, TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if its uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.
2. If you didn't know the person who has passed, or know them very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them trough stories.
3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief. Grieving never stops, it just changes. Don't be suprised when they still express grief one year later, five, ten years later...etc.
4. Cliche statements such as, "They are in a better place" really aren't comforting to the person grieving. It only belittles their natural and normal emotions. This also goes for "At least they aren't in pain anymore" "Heavenly Father needed him/her" "His/her mission was over" "At least now you don't have to worry about them anymore" Pretty much if it begins with "At Least.." or "But..." just don't say it.
5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."
13. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are "really" doing unless they feel safe in exposing their true thoughts, and like you truly want to understand. Make time to ask "How are you doing?" when you are in an appropriate place that offers some privacy and you have time to sit down and "truly" listen. (not appropriate places include the grocery store, or the hallway at church!)
These were just some but I thought they were words taken from my brain....
Hope all of you have a Merry Christmas!

random happenings....

So you may do you fill your days now? Like this....
I had some of the neices and nephews over to decorate sugar cookies. We watched the movie Elf....Rusty was more excited to decorate the cookies than the kids were I think

I made 20 dozen just like this and sold them to Dr. Davis for his refering Dentist offices. I made some good money for our California Adventures trip after Christmas!!

So now that my days are feeling empty with out taking care of my sweet boy Kaden or visiting the hospital I have been trying to keep somewhat busy. I go back to work full time in January for which I am excited to work with those fun girls but not excited for the fact that I wanted to be only part time and take care of my sweet Kaden...he was what filled my days with so much Joy and for anyone who thinks a stay at home mom is not the best way to fill their time...think again!! :)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

First Day at the Cemetary after the Funeral

The little Penguin says " KADEN A. FIFE we love you!" Love Mom and Dad
So...I wanted to go to the cemetary sooner but the week after Kaden's funeral was filled with lots of friends and family getting together. It was very pleasant.
I will be working on a letter to send out. I have many people to thank for their time, support, love, service, and generosity during this time in our families lives. Words aren't enough to express our gratitude. THANK YOU!

Today, I recieved a haircut from Tara. I really do like my haircut. Tara had lost her cap and so she made a whole in a white trash bag for my head and i put my arms threw the sides making wholes. Tara cracks me up and she say's "Man that gives new meaning to WHITE TRASH!!!" I thought she was hillarious. Always good to see her!
After my mom and I recieved Haircuts which by the way you will have to check my mom's out! It is supppper cute! I had my mom come with me to Kaden's Cemetary. I was kind of nervous for some reason I don't know why....Maybe nervous I was going to loose it...seeing where my baby was barried...?! I miss him. I miss him more than I can even comprehend. So when we had got there they had just finished mowing the grass and had gotten rid of his flowers from the funeral that were still there when Rusty visited on Monday. So I said Mom...Kaden needs something to represent that he is here...he just needs we drove over to Albertsons across the street...found something suitable and drove back to put it on
his grave sight.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

video of Kaden...

I found a ton of video clips of Kaden I didn't know I had...they are all a little under 1 minute but I will treasure them forever~ Missing him like crazy...he never leaves my mind. I LONG to hold him, feed him, kiss him and pinch his cute cheecks, change his diaper, give him a bath, change his clothes, and much much much more....
This one is for you Kimberly.

Ps. I lost my Black LG verizon phone on this past Saturday night. I thought I left it at Texas Roadhouse but they have no sign of it. So please call me or text me your name so I can program you into my phone again.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Letter to Heaven

Our dear sweet Kaden,

Oh how we miss you...words can't express.
The day I found out I was pregnant with you I was so excited. I was debating should I call your dad? or should I wait and suprise him? I decided to call him. I remember exactly where I was. I was standing in our old apartment when I called and said "Guess what hunny!? I am Pregnant!!" We were both just so excited. We then couldn't stand ourselves and so we had to call our parents. I faintly remember saying..."so let's keep this to ourselves for a while." I previously had a miscarriage and didn't want the akward possibility of having to explain why I was not pregnant. But NO Grandpa Addington took it upon himself to tell EVERYONE! He even called Grandma's friends to tell them! She was so mad because she didn't get to tell anyone for herself. Needless to say, everyone was very excited. My brothers kept telling me it would be a boy. Rachel was convinced you were a girl and was actually very upset when she found out you were going to be a boy! But she feel in love with you just the same. Everyone who meet you feel in love with you.
So, as my pregnancy went on I was having your regular morning sickness, nausia, and tiredness. I asked your dad to give me a blessing one Sunday because I needed comfort. I was terrified of loosing yet another baby. He gave me a blessing to have Faith. I wanted to hear everything was going to be ok but Heavenly Father had something else in store for us. As we prayed and had faith we were blessed. I will never forget the day I was at work and had to leave early. I thought for sure I was loosing you. Your dad meet us at the hospital and was there to wait for the news good or bad...we would still try to have faith. So, the news came....I had what was called a Subchrionic Hemmorage. The Dr's said sometimes this goes away by the 18ish week of pregnancy and sometimes it results in misscarriage, still born, or early pregnancy.
Well, nonetheless, after many ER visits and being told what I was experiencing was contractions I was put on bedrest just for precautionary measures. Then the wait began. Would our little guy grow? would I have him early? would I misscarry? what would happen? I had many high risk testing...we discovered a cleft lip, and that the subchrionic hematoba would grow and decrease in size by the day...which would not allow good blood flow to get to you
which helps you grow.
The day we found out you were going to be a boy; I have to admit I was a bit suprised. I thought you were a girl for sure. But, we were excited. Your Dad was so excited! He couldn't hardly wait to play with you! I continued to have ultrasounds what felt like daily. All the doctors would say if he makes it he will be a miracle. That's what we prayed for. A Miracle.
We got a Miracle.
I thought we need a name! I sat in my mom's recliner looking for names...everyone I liked your Dad turned down. He made fun of everything. Then I called him...he was in California at Matt's Wedding....and I told him what about "KADEN!?" and he said "ooh I LOVE it! I don't want to hear another name...that is it!!" I was so excited because I loved this name too! I looked up the meaning and it meant "fighter." I thought boy is this perfect...He sure is fighting to get here. Little did I know that you would have to fight so hard once you got here.
Then your mommy was admitted to the hospital with contractions every 5-8 minutes...They put me on Magnesium Sulfate to help slow the contractions. I was 22 wks along with you and kept contracting. It was inevitable that I was going to deliver. I wanted to be transfered to Banner Desert where they can handle babies that small but it was this big ordeal. They would tell me you had no chance of making it before 24 wks and there was no point but for precautionary reasons and just my gut feeling I pretty much demanded to be transfered. I knew I would recieve better care from Specialists for me and for you at Desert.
Your Dad and Grandma would spend the night with me every night in the hospital because I didn't like to be alone. Then on June 4, 2009 (24 wks and 1 day) I thought well I could be here a long time and I thought that would be selfish to expect them to stay here every night. Little did I know that I would break threw the Magnesium and go into full Labor. They brought me down to Labor and Delivery. I was scared and nervous...would you be ok? It was a relief knowing I was 24 wks but still the chances were extremely thin of you making it.
June 5, 2009-A day that will NEVER be forgotten. Your BIRTHDAY!! The nurses called your dad when my water broke and he still got ready for work thinking it was another false alarm. He is a goofball. Then when I told him I for sure would be deliverying today he immediately got nervous but excited to meet you. He said to me "I know it is better for Kaden to be in you but it is kind of like Christmas morning because I get to meet him today!" Then at shift change for the nurses which happened to be 2:17pm you decided to come. You were immediately taken from me and your dad got to trim your cord which was barely hanging on to the placenta. There also happened to be an infection on the fetal side of the placenta, and it had abrupted 50% which was never caught on an abruption panel. Nurses cried and my doctor was amazed that you were alive. "A Miracle" they said. Two NICU doctors were in the room ready for you. They happened to be wondering the halls of Labor and Delivery. They intubated you and let me see you for about 2 seconds. You were covered in blankets so I could really only see your hand. I kissed it. Off you went with Heather (the high risk nurse who would become one of your primary nurses), Dr. Nigum, Dr. Watterkotie, an RT and Dad. They escorted you to the NICU while I waited in my room. I waited till I was able to move. Your Dad came back to let me know how much you weighed. You were 1 pound and 14 ounces and 13 inches long. Come to find out later as Kimberly (the nurse who admitted you to the NICU who would later become a primary nurse.) told me that when she was admitting you that she saw out of the corner of her eye your dad in the corner smiling from ear to ear. She just laughed and thought he must be a first time dad...she said most dads come into the NICU with a look of sheer terror on their face. Not your Dad. Then my nurse took me up to meet you.
We feel in love with you the second he saw you! Your Dad used to tease me saying are you sure he is mine and not some black guy's baby? Your coloring was so different than a "term baby" Your skin was fragile and then suseptable to any infection.
Your small body was the size of your dad's hand. So small and clinging to life. You were covered with about 4 different blue lights because you had such bad Jaundice. That eventually passed. When you were 10 days old they decided to switch you to the Jet Ventilator because you got really sick. Mom and Dad were really worried about you. Mom was really bummed because I couldn't hold you at first because of all the lights and now I couldn't hold you because you were switched to the Jet. The nurses were really sweet though they lowered the your incubator as low as it could go and allowed me to sit in a high chair to sing to you and talk to you. You loved it. I sang "I am a Child of God." over and over to you. You loved that song. The nurses were so impressed because all your "numbers" looked better than they had for a long time. They called this "Kind of Kangarooing."
You were on the Jet Ventilator about 20 days. They gave you some steriods so you could be "weaned" off of the Jet. Then, they wanted to get you stable on the Conventional to allow me to hold you. I came in one day and Heather was soooo excited! She said today is the day! You were 33 days old when I first got to hold you! I finally felt your tiny little body against mine. It was the most amazing day by far. I laughed, cried the whole bit! Your Dad happened to be there because he was going to meet me for lunch that day. That weekend your dad held you. Your Dad looved to hold you but would get ants in his pants or would fall asleep. The nurses would always catch him falling asleep and they would tease him.
As the days and weeks went on you made progress. Many people would visit you. Grandma's and Grandpa's, Aunts and Uncles, Cousins, and Friends. Fighting infection after infection, having good and bad days, trying to grow, blood pressure issues, IV's, Picc line, PDA ligation, ROP surgery, pulling out your tube on your own and ventilator changes! That is the exciting part...
Kimberly got to extubate you! She was super excited but super nervous...we all wondered how you would do. We left the ventilator in your bedside for 24 hrs. just in case you tried to be a stinker. You were retracting really bad but they wanted you to fight threw it because at this point you were about 2 months old. You hated and I mean HATED the CPAP machine. You would absolutely love when we would take it off and put blow by oxygen next to you so you could relax. I would rub your head and your Sats would shoot through the roof! We gave to a sponge bath one day and put you in your first outfit that Grandma Fife gave you. It was soo cute on you. Technically they didn't want clothes on you yet but we just couldn't resist!
There was one day that Dr O'Neil was coming to check your eyes and you didn't like him too much as soon as he started talking you dropped your Heart Rate. So at another visit Heather and I decided to give you Sucrose (basically sugar water) and you took the syringe out of Heathers hand and started sucking on it.
He was on CPAP for a couple weeks and then they switched you to just oxygen. You did really well for about 3 days on the wall and then you pooped out and needed more help. So they put you on High Flow Oxygen. You got the worst bugers on that and when they would go suck out the bugers with the suction you would fight them and squirm. Your nurses would always say you were such a little fighter. Heather would always tell you she was Kimberly! Kimberly didn't like that too much and used to say you weren't going to trust Heather anymore because she lied!
They eventually were able to wean you. You didn't move from your bed spot from the day you were born until you were 103 days old. You were in B27 the whole time. An uncommon thing around the NICU but because your Doctors were so protective of you they wouldn't let anyone move you. Your Doctors fell in love with you. Dr. Nigum and Dr. Hamburg would fight over who got to round on you. They just loved you.
Kimberly took you over to the Continuing Care Nursery known as CCN. This was a bitter sweet day because the primary nurses: Heather, Kimberly, Jaime, Mary, Aimee, and Karly that so lovingly took care of you for 103 days in the NICU would not be able to take care of you everytime they worked like before. There were days few and far between once you were switched that we got our primary nurses. It was bitter sweet moving over there because we would miss your nurses but this also meant you were getting better and getting close to going home.
Once you were in CCN you had a couple obstacles to overcome or hurdles to jump. You were having a hard time taking your whole feeding from a bottle in your aloted 30 minutes. You also needed Double Hernia Surgery. And your Oxygen...they needed to wean you to a point low enough to come home on. You did fairly well being weaned. You had your Hernia Surgery. But, you didn't do so well taking your bottle. So Mom and Dad decided in order to take you home we would need to learn to put your NG tube in or in other words your feeding tube. You HATED it! You would thrash you head around and move your arms and feet all at the same time. Our fisty little guy! Then everything was being put together and organized for your discharge.
What a bitter sweet day that was. I began to love your nurses and doctors and would miss them very much. They not only became my best friends but they were adopted into our extended family. They are truely what helped me through the hard days and enjoyed the good days almost as much as me!
It was time...Time to take you home. We gathered everything up equipment and all and Heather was able to carry you around to say goodbye and flirt with all the nurses one last time. They would all say "FIFE?! Fife is leaving!!??" We were so happy. We brought you HOME!!!
A day I didn't know if it would ever happen. The day we brought you home your Aunts Rachel and Becka and your Grandma Addington were all there to welcome you!
You and I made lots of memories at home. We had lots of special moments and tender mercies. We didn't ever leave the house except to go to Grandma's and the Doctor's. There was one time we took you to Aunt Meggen's and to Aunt Lari's but we didn't let the kids come near you unless hands were washed and they were instructed not to touch you. You were too vonerable to getting sick. Your mommy and daddy wanted to do anything they could to keep you from getting sick. Some memories I have: I will never forget the first time we put you in your swing. Your dad and I laughed for about an hour because we couldn't see you with the tray in front of you. You just hid in there. You LOVED your swing and would just contently look around or fall asleep. You would always love when we would hold you on our chest and pat your bum. You would fall asleep on daddy's chest as he would watch tv. I'll never forget the one time you took your whole feeding from the bottle. I was so excited I Jumped up and Down....Your dad would tease you and say "Kaden so what your telling us is your capable of doing it but you just don't want to!?" We knew you would really get tired but your dad is a tease! You loved to lay on your always got so comfortable and would end up falling asleep. Whenever I would need to take you to the doctor I would have to get ready with all your equipment about 45 minutes before we would need to pack you up in the car because it never failed...everytime I would put you in your carseat you would start to cry and have a major pooping attack out of no where! It literally NEVER failed! The way your cleft would curl out when you would cry or smile. Your cry was such a soft and sweet raspy cry unless I really made you mad. You would get so made at me when I would change the tape on your face, change the NG tube or your Oxygen Canula. When your dad would Kiss you you used to bat him with your hands because of his wiskers. Your dad couldn't ever get enough kisses from you. Speaking of kisses when you were hungry you used to suck on our nose or even our bottom lip. It would crack me up! I thought it was adorable. You would also eat your hands and at one point in the hospital the second time you weren't allowed to eat and you just sucked on your hands and they became pruny. You had a couple spend the nights with Grandma Addington and the first night we left you alone with them we left with everyone gathered around you staring at you and about 10 minutes later we came back for something and they were all sitting there staring at you. We laughed pretty hard. Everyone wanted to be around you. Grandma Helen and Grandpa Larry would come visit you when they could. Your Aunts would come visit you too...especially Aunt Lari...she LOVED being around you! Her little girl is Olivia...which I am sure you two have meet by now. You had the most curious eyes. You would wrinkle your brow and just look around. Your Dad and I would love to come look at you in the morning and evening was your favorite time. You would just be so content staring around the room. One night, your dad thought you looked so cute in your crib he decided to climb in it. He called me in from the other bedroom to come see him. I cracked up and was in amazement that our crib was still standing. There was one morning I sat you on my lap and talked to you. You looked straight at me and smiled about 10 times. I actually got a picture of one of your smiles. I was soooo excited!! I called your dad and grandmas! I sent a picture to everyone!! That was a very special was like you said "I LOVE YOU MOM!!" There is one thing that you LOVED to do and that was a bath!! You LOVED your baths....We would give you a bath in a tuperware container and torwards the end you took them in the big boy bath I had for you. You would just relax. It was your spa time!! I loved to get you dressed. You had such you clothes! Your legs were too short for any of your pants though. It cracked me up! My favorite face you used to make was what we called your "Choir Boy" face. It was soo cute! There was one morning at 5 am that I was sitting in the chair trying to feed you and you were just too happy and social that you wanted to stare at me and smile. You had two nurses come visit you while you were at home. Heather and Kimberly.
They couldn't get enough of you!
We started to get concerned with you requiring more oxygen at home so we took you to the Cardiologist and Pulmonologist and they admitted you to Cardon Children's Hospital. You had Severe Pulmonary Hypertension. Your sweet little body had been fighting so long it started to get weak. You got better and then got much worse. They sent you to St. Joe's. We were hopeful but very concerned. They couldn't find any source of infection. The Doctors were very frank with us. They said "we can be hopeful but most likely he won't make it."
Sunday was a rough day for you and us as your parents. We didn't like to see you soo sick. We didn't think we would end up back in hospital like this. We ended up staying the night in the hospital waiting room. Grandma Fife, Grandma Addington, and your dad and I stayed the night. We were concerned that you were going to crash. We woke up to someone saying we need to speak with you Dad and the Dr. wants to talk to you. The Dr's were very frank with us again. They said you wouldn't make it through the morning. They asked us what we wanted to do-keep you vented or take it out. Out of the love we have for you as your parents we felt like we shouldn't make you live like you were. We had family come down and love on you and give you lots of Kisses. Then your dad and I gave you a bath and then they took everything off of you so I could rock you. You passed peacefully in my arms. A moment I will never forget. You were too perfect and Our Loving Heavenly Father had different things in store for you.
"The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escap the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again."
That quote gives me so much peace. I miss you and wish you were here with me...I mourn for myself and your family that we only got a short time here on earth with you but I will cherish those memories forever. We know we will see you again.
We love you.
Love, Your Parents

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Kaden's Services

Kaden Addington Fife

The viewing will be held Friday, December 4th 2009
Bunker Family University Chapel
3529 East University Drive
Mesa, AZ 85213

It will be held in the evening from 5-8pm

The Funeral Services will be held Saturday, December 5th 2009
The LDS Church Building
1155 East Ray Road
Gilbert AZ 85296

It will be held in the morning at 10am

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Tender Mercies

Kaden Yesterday

As many of you know Kaden is back in the hospital. He has Pulmonary Hypertension. In english...he has high blood pressure...not the kind you can measure from a cuff but the kind that is only seen in an echocardiogram. We had been worried about him requiring more oxygen so we went to the cardiologist. They discovered he had severe PPHN (same as above). We then went straight to his pulmonologist appt. and discovered he was not keeping his oxygen saturations where they need to be.
NUMBER ONE: This didn't happen at home and we didn't have to call the peramedics.

They were not feeding our little guy any food...just iv fluids to keep hydrated. Of course, everyone asks why not? but you see your blood from your heart has to be sent to your stomach to help digest your food. They wanted his heart to focus on pumping to his lungs. So, finally after being such a sweet and content baby (not even being feed) for thursday, friday and Saturday....Kaden hit his breaking point of starving!! I asked if your not going to feed him can he at least have something to ease his hunger pains. So they did. His night went ok but he keep dropping his saturations so they decided to intubate him....scary...back to square one.
The night nurse had come from another hospital that mostly dealt with the heart.
NUMBER TWO:She suggested a medication for him to help his heart pump easier

So they decided on Sunday right after we had arrived to intubate him...he was franticly upset and gave me a look like Mom Please take this away! It litteraly broke my heart. They decided to do an eccho and....

NUMBER THREE: His Pressures had decreased!! YAY!!

Yesterday was a special day...after him being soo out of it on Sunday with the muscle relaxer he was finally off of that. So he was able to...


Rusty came after work and he whispered in Kaden's ear. "I LOVE you Kaden!" and


There is sooo much more to explain and that goes on minute by minute but that is my update. "Come what may, and Love it..."

Friday, November 6, 2009

He sMiLeD!!!!!!!!!!

I sat Kaden on my lap this morning and talked to him like I always do and he looked straight at me and SmIlEd!!! I was sooo excited and I almost cried...sappy I know but there is no more joy that is greater than to see him do so well with all he has been's like he looked at me and said..."I LOVE you mom!" What a blessing it is to spend my days with him!

This is not the best smile he gave me but it's what I was able to capture on my phone!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

5 Months Old!

Kaden is 5 months old Today! Believe it or not!! He is 6 wks old corrected...crazy huh! He is the love of my life...and my little buddy! There is nothing more rewarding than being with my little man! Here is a picture of him learning to play with his rattle!
I love his BIG eyes while he holds on to cracks me up!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

HAPPY late..Halloween! PICTURES!!

Our little Family on Kaden's FiRsT HaLlOwEeN!!!

Kaden and Mom AlL ReAdY!!!

Kaden's FIRST Halloween...

He spent the morning with Grandma while Rusty and I went to his work party and then to the Chandler mall...His sister Lari is the manager at the MAC counter in Nordstrom and Rusty had the Idea of having my face done like a tiger to match my little Kaden! So I thought what the would be fun! Then we went and dropped my Ring off at Christopher Diamonds for a good cleaning and to be redipped! I can't wait to get it is going to look brand new again!!

Then we hung out at Grandma's and helped them get all ready for Halloween....we didn't take Kaden trick or treating cause he can only have milk...DANG! I wanted candy! haha So here are some pictures from the day!

Friday, October 30, 2009

ChOIr BoY!!

This is Rusty and I's FAVORITE face that Kaden makes...he does it when he is content and happy and as many times as he does still cracks me up!!! isn't he adorable!!?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

We are ready for HALLOWEEN!!

This outfit is a bit big on Kaden but it cracks me up! Don't you love his new binki? it's a frog! This boy melts my heart every day!
We are going to be blessing Kaden soon but we don't know if we should do it at church or just in our home. I need to find a cute blessing outfit...any suggestions on where to find one??

Monday, October 19, 2009

His first SPEND the NIGHT!!

We went to my parents house last night with the intention of just staying a couple of hours but we brought a larger tank of O2 and stuff to make more milk....I wanted to stock my mom's house with some supplies so I didn't have to pack sooo much just to get out the door! As you can see in this picture he requires ALOT to get out the door for a visit to grandma's or the Dr. Those are the the few places we take our little man. He just has too crudy of lungs to be exposed to much of anything especially this time of year!

Last Night we ended up falling asleep and waking up about 10pm and my mom said go back to sleep and I am going to get up with him to feed him all night! I was sooo excited to get a full night sleep for the first time since he has been home! Don't get me wrong I LOVE having him home and it is waaaaay better than having him at the hospital but to have a full night sleep was awesome! My mom ROCKS!! thanks mom...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

life with kaden...

Kaden has learned how to hold his own binki! He LOVES that thing! This is him just chillen on our bed today...I tried getting some pictures for his birth announcement but we will see...I might need to do another photo shoot! Check out the video of him at the bottom! You will crack up!

Mom tried leanig me up against a pillow...but as you can see I started to slide down.

I couldn't resist this picture! He just looks so cute in it!

Here is a close up of Kaden in his swing! He could live in that thing for all he cared!

Kaden's little head is poking thru his swing...he loves to just chill in
his swing and listen to its music!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The journey has ended but only just begun!

Here is a picture of him...notice anything?

Where to begin? I am not quite sure. I wish I was poetic with my words but I am just plain and simple. Short and sweet! What an experience. I will FOREVER be grateful for the wonderful people I have meet this past year, for their love, support and caring service they have given and shown our little family.

As I look back on this past year it all seems to be a blur! We found out I was pregnant around February and we were excited but I was always nervous. I somehow knew that everything was not going to go so smoth. Rusty has been my rock and my greatest support! There were numberless times I thought I was going to loose my son and that terrified me...I wanted so badly to be a mother. After a journey of bedrest, ER visits and a stay in antepartum in two hospitals, an abulance ride, and much more...Kaden came to world! I will never forget the words of Rusty in the labor room...he said "I know it is better for you to still be pregnant but it's kind of like Christmas morning and I can't wait to meet Kaden!"

Kaden came and left up to the NICU very quickly...I wasn't sure what to feel at that point. It was then I began to meet the nurses who would help our family through this time and become our extended family. I was terrified for the first couple months to say the least. Worried all the time that something would happen to my little man. All I could do for him at that point was change his diaper, take his tempature and put my hands on his head and feet. His skin was too sensitive to be rubbed. He got very sick about 10 days after he was born and I didn't know this but I would not hold him until he was 33 days old. I know I techinally wouldn't hold him if I was pregnant but I would be feeling him kick and move inside me. I felt helpless and so humble at the same time. I continued to pray that Kaden would grow and get better.

I will never forget the first day I got to hold him. We were together once again! He slowly made progress but there were deffinately still the ups and downs that could change in a matter of an hour. Slowly, but surely he had his surgery's, grew and went from intabated, to cpap, to high flow oxygen to just prongs, he continued to eat through a feeding tube and would take some milk from the bottle. Everything you do with premies especially with lungs like Kaden is totally different than a term kid as the nurses would say.

The truth is I don't know how I made it day to day at times but I had strength that I know was beyond my own.

Kaden is still on oxygen, an apnea moniter, and a feeding tube. Rusty calls them his "extension cords!" I love him! He keeps life interesting that is for sure!

Friday, September 25, 2009


September 23rd- Kaden's corrected birthday! We had fun that day...we did handprints and footprints and measured him...he is 18 inches long!! he weighed 5 lbs. 13.1 ounces....

I have to say it was kind of a strange and also exciting day for me....I would have given anything to have been in labor! wierd I know but honestly there is nothing in life that I have experienced that is more frightening than having such a premature baby and not knowing for sooo long if he was going to make it....He has had to go through soo much and there are more ups and downs than I can even explain. He has had more surgery's in his four months of life than I have had in my whole life...all due to his prematurity. I meet a friend whose son was born the day after Kaden at 26 weeks and we would always talk about how NO one understands truely how we feel until you experience it as a mother....we didn't comprehend what it feels like beforehand....but oh the JOY I feel now to see how far my little Kaden has come. It is undescrible! I hate to say this but any pregnancy no matter how hard...there is nothing harder than seeing your baby struggle day in and out.

Kaden is doing well...he had his hernia and circ today. Things went well and he will recover...than go back to his room at ccn. Then from there it is a matter of getting him to eat more on his own...without the feeding tube and weaning his oxygen more...He weighs SIX POUNDS today!! he is like a real newborn!!

Thanks again for the continued support and love! It means the world to us!

Thursday, September 3, 2009


Life in the NICU as we know it....Kaden is still growing.
He now weighs FOUR pounds EIGHT ounces!!
ounces are a huge deal because that just means he is closer to
another pound. He ended up needing eye surgery for what is called ROP.
He did really well and didn't stay on the vent for very long. He is getting to be really popular around here. The doctors fight to round on him and I think it is cute! The nurses just love him...and we can't get enough of him. It will be his 3 month birthday on September 5...wierd I know!
As of right now we are trying to wean the liters of oxygen he is requiring and that will come with time and growth. We are also trying to get him more interested in eating or "nippling" from a bottle. The language in the NICU has become second nature. I have learned so much about the body...about myself...and just life in general.
So...he just needs to keep growing. He will have one more surgery before we leave the hospital. He has two hernias that will be fixed which is very common in boys of prematurity.
We will be moving soon and I am so excited to have a little more room. It is only 100 ft away from our apartment and in the same complex but I am still excited!
Thanks for all the continued support! It means the world to us!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Kaden the big boy!

It was an exciting weekend with Kaden! He was switched from cpap to wall prongs (oxygen) and as of today he weighs 3lbs 10 ounces. Almost double his birth weight! We are so excited for the progress he has made! There is no other way to describe it but MIRACLE!
Kaden and his Mom!
Kaden is kind of small for this outfit but he sure looked cute in it today!

Kaden sleeping peacefully with hardly anything on his face! FINALLY...he says "I'm Free at last!" Kaden was switched to only oxygen on Saturday this weekend! What an exciting day that was for our little family! He is getting so big in our standards....It was a very BIG weekend!! :)

Friday, August 14, 2009

another update....

Kaden continues to grow!! He now weighs 3 lbs 8 ozs.  He is on cpap and looking so cute and big these days...Here are some pictures from the last couple of days!

This is my beanie that keeps me company in my incubator.  I am wearing a little outfit my grandma fife and aunt lari gave me.  I am on cpap in this picture and taking a nice nap!
This is a picture of my back.  This is the scar from the incision made from my PDA heart surgery.  It is healing really well!
My mom was holding me the other day and I held her hand for about an hour!  I threw a huge fit when my mom put me back in bed....I just love being held!
I couldn't get this picture to turn....this is my dad holding me like a big boy!  I love him sooo much!!
One of my primary nurses named Heather tried giving me a bottle today....I only drank 3 cc's...It is not easy for me to drink a bottle when I am on cpap and my cleft...I dropped my heart rate but I will learn soon enough!
Mom and my nurse let me hang out with no diaper today for a little bit and I was just sooo cozy! I am finally putting a little chub on my bum!
Don't I look soo cozy!!??

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I haven't updated in a really long time so I decided to update while I wait for a fax to go through at the business center in my apartment complex. Life is deffinately still crazy...and the search for a house is still on amide all the madness! I will be having my baby shower next month so I need addresses!!!
This picture was sent to me this morning from Kaden's nurse! She is awesome and sends me cute pictures all the time! You can see the oxygen being blown in the lower part of the picture but this is with his cpap off of his face! Isn't he cute!!!?? I can't believe he has gotten so big! He now weighs THREE POUNDS TWO ONCES!!! can you believe that!? There are still ups and downs...but that is just life in the NICU...that really can't be explained unless you go through it. But we love our son Kaden sooo much!!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I got to HOLD him!!

Our Little Happy Family....our first real photo!
July 8, 2009 Kaden-33 days old

I wanted to post these pictures. It was a big Milestone yesterday...I finally was able to hold my son after 33 days! What an amazing experience. I cried, I laughed, and I was in complete aww...Motherhood. What an amazing calling. I feel so blessed to experience it...I love my son so much. It makes me love my mom so much more...
Rusty called me yesterday from work and said I would like to come down for 12 o'clock cares (change diaper, take temp, reposition him and love on him-they do it every 4 hours) and I was like ok...I will pack us a lunch and we can do that...Well, the Dr. kept telling me now that he is off the jet you can hold him maybe tomorrow and then maybe tomorrow...he had a rough couple of times adjusting. So I didn't really get my hopes up yesterday but when I walked in to the pod Kaden's nurse was so excited to tell me that the Dr. said I could hold him for like 15 minutes...

Well, because Kaden did soooo well while I was holding him they left him on me for like an hour and 10 I wanted to share the pictures!! Rusty got to be there!
PS...Kaden will be having PDA surgery to close his PDA in his heart this afternoon or tomorrow morning so like I always say please keep him in your prayers that all will go well with surgery.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

one of many battles....

our little guy is sick. he is being put on antibiotics and they sound as always midline...never too excited about anything...but please keep Kaden in your prayers...thanks for the support! this is one crazy and long road but I know we can do it! He is our little "FIGHTER!!"

Saturday, June 20, 2009


So where to even begin?? I have no clue! Well...actually I can't begin to thank all of you enough for the continued love and support and the constant prayers!! I feel that is the only way sometimes I get through the day....I just love my little Kaden. Rusty and I feel so blessed to have such a sweet child and look forward to the day we get to really hold him. Our hearts swell with joy everytime we see him peacefully laying in the incubator. I could ramble on about I how feel and how things go from day to day but I will just post a cute video my friend made of some pictures I have taken...hope you enjoy as much as I do!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Kaden Addington Fife

Our Little Miracle was born
June 5, 2009 at 2:17pm
1lb. 14 oz and 13 inches long

After spending 2 weeks and 2 days in both Gateway and Banner Desert hospital fighting to stay pregnant Kaden decided he didn't want to wait any longer.  It all happened so fast.  There is so much to explain and understand.  When he was born the NICU Dr's were right there ready for him.  They immediately incubated him wrapped him up and let me hold him for 2 secs and I gave him a kiss on his tiny hand.  They rushed him up to the NICU and off with Rusty he went.  

I was discharged from the hospital today.  I have lots of emotions running through me and appreciate all the love and prayers of those around me.  He will need your prayers and we will to so we can all get through this time.  We need the extra strength.  We have been so blessed already and will strive to continue to have faith.  Kaden is in our Lord's watchful care and for that I am most grateful.  I will post pictures and continue to update his progress.  I have a lot to learn.  Rusty and I have both had chances to take his tempurature and change his tiny diaper.  His diaper even says Pampers!  I have found a poem that kind of expresses some of the emotions running through me that I thought I would share.

As I Love you Through the Glass
by Elena Murphy

As I love you through the glass
a tiny hand sweeps across the blanket
reaching out to me.
You lie there in the stillness
of your slumber clinging to life;
I reach inside to touch you
and you stir slightly;
I feel a tiny breath like a feather
caress my fingers
as I love you through the glass.
One eye opens
easily staring into mine;
Can you see me?
Can you feel my presence
as I love you through the glass.
I ache to hold you;
I await the moment
when you peacefully rest in my loving arms
A silent tear rolls down my face;
I slowly turn to walk away 
only to glance back one more time
as I love you through the glass.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


So as all of you know I am admitted to the hospital on watchful care. I am using the hospital computer they can wheel into my room. Speaking of wheels...I might get my first wheelchair ride out of a room!! Now that is something to look forward to :) ...but I have to work up the energy. I have a very short attention span on this medication so this probably will be short. My mom is the one who keeps things updated which I am grateful for.

It all started as a bad night of contracting (caused by the blood clot sitting in my uterus wants that blood out and it irritates my uterus) I have been doing this the whole pregnancy but this time when I was admitted to the hospital my contractions were 5-8 minutes apart and they don't like that for preterm and because I was only 22 weeks (not considered viability) my Dr. told me to go to the hospital he is contracted with. Well, after a very LONG rollercoaster of my highs and lowest of lows they did not want to transfer me until I was considered "Viable" (24 weeks aka TOMORROW!!!) and last wednesday my dr. told me I would probably deliver and said all these horrible things about premies and talked about taking me off the mag. I was not sure why this was all the case when nothing had changed but I just had an episode of heavier bleeding from the subchroionic hemorage. Then a couple hours later after telling me that I would deliver in the next 24 hours and a blessing from my hubby and my dad the dr. came in with a different tune and decided to transfer me earlier. Who knows why but I am grateful to be in more specialized care over here.

I am now at Banner Desert under the care of PPA-a group of specialists for me and the best doctors and NICU for my little Kaden! Everyone is so knowledgable here. The unit I am in is just dedicated to high risk pregnant moms who are trying to keep pregnant. The Neonatologist came in and told me that for every day I stay pregnant I grow Kaden 2 days of the work they can do for him. 1 day in the womb equals 2 or more outside. Amazing huh...?

I am on a consistent dose of Magnesium Sulfate and they occasionaly give me shots if contractions act up more...the shots are really the hardest. They cause me to not think clearly and if you can imagine I already am not in the clearest of minds...haha

I am grateful for all the prayers, love, concern and visitors. When I am not so wierd and able to access this as a clear minded person I will updated again.

Things I am grateful for: family, prayer, finally being able to have bathroom privileges after a week and a half, having a door in my room that I can open and hear the happy birds sing and just to hear the wind and for an occasional wheelchair ride I will be allowed to have. I miss being able to go outside...

My friend Elle brought me flarp! Noise Putty and it has made me laugh the most....THANKS Elle!

Again, your prayers and support are what are getting us through. This is a trying time but much has been learned allready!! THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Guest Post

Jacquie has asked me to post for her since her current state will not allow her (pain meds). She is currently in the hospital and for those of you that would like updates please refer to Thank you for your love and support.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I have NEVER laughed so my life!

My Mom went shopping for my little Kaden and got some of the CUTEST clothes!! all of which were on clearance!! we had a lot of fun doing a photo shot of his new clothes/shoes....hope you all find this as funny and cute as we did.  All I have to say is it has been the most fun I have had in a long time!
Bed rest and New clothes for Kaden 
makes mom a little goofy!

This sweater and beanie are my favorite by far of the wonderful findings....he is waving HI!!! :)

There will be more to come...

On a side note...I had an enjoyable Mother's Day.  My mother was out of town but I was able to spend the day and night with my mother in law, grandmother addington, and great grandmother williams....I am so blessed to have so many wonderful mothers in my life.  I am grateful for the examples they each are to me.  I am grateful I was able to celebrate as a mom this mothers day as well.  Each day I love and care for my son more and more.  He has already brought to me the joy of motherhood and the fear for a child's wellbeing as my mothers feel for me.  I know that I will enjoy being your mother even more once I get to see your smiling face on my lap....I am so blessed to have the opportunity to love, care and nourish you before you come.  I love you Kaden!!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Our little peanut...

So it feels forever since I have last mom has been on her cruise and so I have been at home chillen for the past week. We don't have the internet so I feel so disconnected! But, I am BACK!!! My mom gets back tomorrow from her 7 day cruise.

I celebrated my 22nd birthday on Thursday this week...this is the first time my mom has been out of town for my birthday but it was lots of fun! My sister-in-law Amy and her twins came to my apartment and brought me lunch! It was good and fun to visit! I am looking forward to getting the pedicure with my gift certificate!! Then my hubby came home and brought me my present! A NEW camera!!! I am so excited!! My other camera charger had broke and so I have been unable to capture the past few months and with Kaden on the way I deffinately wanted a camera! Thanks Babe!! We then ate Joe's Farm Grill for was so good! When I am able to have more activity Cheesecake Factory is calling no begging my name!! :)

I had a dr. appt on Friday and saw my little peanut! He is getting sooo big! He has grown so much. He is measuring aproximately 21 weeks and weighs 14 oz. Things are looking a little better with the hematoma so that is good! This is a profile pic of him. I think he has my nose!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Life is GrEaT....

So I was talking with my Aunt Angie the other day.  She called to check on me and see how things are going and she told me a funny story about her five year old, I thought I would share!
Her daughter woke up on her birthday and said to my aunt 
"mom you wake up, go to bed, wake up, go to bed....when does it end?"
How cute is that!! haha so my Aunt replied "when you die." 
She responded "OH"

The funny things kids do and say!! I love it...Kaden has had the hiccups a couple times this past week and it cracks me up...I can totally picture him hiccuping.  I was doing really good and the past two days things went back to not so great...this is the longest roller coaster I have ever ridden but I know it will be worth it.  I have learned so much already from this experience.  I have learned to be a little more excepting of those serving me...I don't like to admit I need help.  I have learned that I need to serve others more, I have learned to be more patient with everyone around me (well, I am learning...I deffinately have NOT mastered that).  I could keep going but that is kind of boring.

Nothing too special has been going on lately because days pretty much all seem to be the same as of recently.  My friend Natalie brought me Pei Wei one day last week and hung out at my apartment.  I hadn't seen her in a long time so it was nice to catch up.  She is two weeks ahead of me and is also having a boy! How cool is that!?  

My mom leaves for her cruise on Saturday for a whole week so my buddy will be gone...
I could always use visitors!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

In Honor of my Grandpa

In honor of my Grandpa Sharpy passing away a year ago tomorrow; I decided to post about him.  I knew him for Twenty One years.  To me he was a honorable man who loved his Family and God.  I think of the agony and pain he was feeling a year ago and my heart breaks all over.  He was in so much pain.  I remember visiting him before he passed in the hospice and would break down every time because would think to myself will this be the last time I see him? 

As I reflect on a year ago, I think of many things.  I think to myself now No that was not the last time I would see my Grandpa.  I WILL see him again.  He is with me and his memories will keep him alive until we meet again.  I miss him yes I do with all my heart.  I think how blessed I was to know him and how blessed I am to have had all my grandparents living in Arizona all growing up.  I have my dad's parents, my mom's parents, and my Great grandma(my dad's grandma).  My grandpa sharpy was the first to move from this life to the next.  

I mourn for my grandma because they were married for 59 years! And they would celebrate their anniversary on my birthday.  May 7th was a special day for us both!!  I think of all they have been through together.  I think of the eleven children they sacrificed for and lovingly raised.  I think of the examples they were to me growing up.  I have many special memories of going to my grandparents house watching Land Before Time.  My grandma would always give me ice cream.  She sure spoiled us and she still does!!

My grandpa had some funny things he would say; he used to sing the Alphabet a little like this: U, S, X, C, F, Y, H, G, P now I know my X, Y, Z's next time won't you sing with me?  And we would go back and forth and say Grandpa you don't sing it like that and he would say yes you do!  Anytime we would cut our hair short he ALWAYS told us we looked like little boys.  Anytime a kid would whine or cry he would say "SHUTUP kid and go to your room!"  He would always give us a hug and kiss every time we saw him.  He loved each of us in a special way and he always let us know that by his words and actions.  Oh how I could go on and on.  

To my Grandpa,

I think of you often and miss you so much.  I miss you coming to my house and making us laugh.  You always knew how to make us laugh.  You were such a charitable and loving Grandpa.  Thank you for all you taught me and how you continually taught me to respect my parents.  As I am soon to be a parent, I will remember your example.  I know you and my little boy are bonding.  I am sad he won't get to meet you down here but I know you two are thinking of ways to have him tease me once he gets here.  Kaden is due close to my parents Anniversary (September 25th) and it is special to me because we shared that special day together growing up.  Thank you for all you were and still are to me! I love you.


Friday, April 10, 2009

AND his NAME will be......

ok ok it's way too early in the morning for that.

Rusty and I went over some names like I had said before.  He didn't really like any of them.  So I had to keep looking and after reading them off to my mom and sister and having their input I called my hubby.  I told him the name I was falling in love with and he immediately said 
"I LOVE it!!! I don't want to hear another name.  That's it!"

He then yelled to his mom and sister in the other room and they were like 
"YES!! we LOVE it!!"

So hear I am in Arizona and they are in California and I think we actually have decided on at least his first name and obviously last and here it is:

Kaden Fife

I have fallen in love with the name and so has Rusty.  He said he can already picture us calling him his name once he gets here.

I then looked up the meaning of Kaden just out of curiosity and guess what it means??

It means "fighter"

This will be the perfect name because he is our little fighter.  On many occasions I have been to the Emergency Room with him and each time the doctor comes in and says something like this: "Miracles happen but things just don't look good."  He is going to be our little fighter.

So there it is unless for some reason we find something else that fits better but I doubt it.  As far as the middle name mother in law thinks I need to give my children my maiden name as their middle name...That's what she did and she said it is for genealogy.  I am thinking about it but not sure yet....

P.S.  I go to the high risk dr. and I will update after they tell me what they think.  Cross your fingers!! :)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Our little Boy needs a NAME!!

So all growing up I thought you don't name your child until they get here because so often my mom and dad NEVER had names for there children when they left the hospital.  I want a name for my boy.  I want to call him by name before he gets here!!  

So all day yesterday I sat on my computer and looked at names and wrote down in my little handy notebook the ones that appeared to be likes of mine.  Well, then I called Rusty who by the way is on his way to CALI with out his bedridden wife.  (He even took extra time off work and so did I to go but unfortunately a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.) I do miss him!! I call him with about 12 names I kinda liked I had gotten through E.  If you don't know Rusty let me explain a little something about him He compares EVERYTHING!!  He compared my mom's WEDDING gown to CURTAINS when we were ONLY dating!!! :)  My mom still loves him.  SO....he vetoed ALL the names except one Kind of. looks like another day of looking for more names! Boys are much HARDER to choose for than girls....but that's ok.  I am just soooooooo excited I get a little and big Rusty to run around after.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Your Mamma Jokes

So being on bed rest I find laughter at the dumbest things and I am at my mom's today and my little sister Rachel has an Ipod touch with an application of Your MAMA's SO....fat, poor, stupid, old and ugly jokes.  So for your entertainment I will share a few!

Your Mama's so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.

Your Mama's so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.

Your Mama's so ugly when she was born, the doctor smacked the wrong end.

Your Mama's so old her birth certificate says "expired" on it.

Your Mama's so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

Your Mama's so old when she walked into an antique store they kept her.

Hope you enjoyed these as much as I do.  I am going to be doing some more resting today and hanging out with my grandma....she is going to teach me how to knit!! I am so excited...I go to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully there will be some good news!!!!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Tears on my pillow.....

I was officially put on bed rest dr.'s orders on Thursday last week.  I have to say that was not an easy thing to hear nor is it the easiest thing for me to do.  I do much better keeping busy and my mind occupied.  So, that was hard to take in.  

Monday night I went to the ER because I was having a lot of pain I couldn't control with Tylenol and after a sleepless night the night before I decided ER was the place I should probably be.  I officially HATE the ER.  They take forever to even see me....and the doctors (i mean mine specifically was very belittling) 

Baby is still there and holding on but things just don't look too great....

I am still holding on to the idea that I won't have to deliver this baby early.  I want soooo badly to hold this baby in my arms full term and raise it but  I have faith that everything we go through in life is there to be learned from...we will see what happens.   

Already this baby has taught me soo much about life and myself and for that I am soo grateful.  Thank you to all those who care and give their support in every way-prayers, dinners, and comforting words.  THANK YOU!!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

It is time to post again!

My mom took this picture of me this week...I feel so much fatter!!

I haven't posted in a LONG time...I used to be much better at this! The baby is taking all my time! Haha good excuse because it's not really possible. So what has Jacquie, Rusty and Baby Fife been up to??? well....

We just got back from a fun trip to California where Rusty's Friend Gavin got Married!!! woohooo for them we are so excited to have a cool married couple to hang out with! Gavin and Karly are pretty cool kids! We stayed in a hotel with our hilton honor's points and to say the least it was pretty chill... Corner Room looking over all LA on the 14th Floor! Speaking of hotel rooms we decided because our cool friends decorated our hotel room for the night we got married...we would be cool and decorate Gavin and Karly's...we had FUN!! :)

We have been to my parents house almost everynight just hanging out, decorating sugar cookies, and watching our favorite show AMERICAN IDOL!!! :) I must say we are pretty good at guessing who is going to be in the bottom 3 but I have to say my Red haired friend Allison should deffinately not been...She ROCKS!!

Now as far as baby fife goes has been making mom sick and deffinately DID NOT like Barro's pizza last night! yuck! Baby Fife is also making mom gain a baby bump...

Friday, February 27, 2009

Baby Fife!!

So yesterday I had what was supposed to be my initial ob visit but we did an ultrasound because they wanted to a repeat ultrasound since I was in the ER. So I figured out how to load them on the computer and here are a couple of pics. I can tell it is going to be one cute baby

Friday, February 20, 2009

A RUN for my $$

This baby is already giving me a run for my money!! I was at Cosette's play last night and it was about to start when I knew something was seriously wrong. How grateful I am for black pants...let's just put it that way. So again we went to the ER. My mom and my mother-in-law met me there. They were so sweet. It feels good to know people love and care about me! So my baby is still growing and measured 9 wks and 1 day. I don't get it!! I am tired of visiting the ER. I know all the nurses by name and they see me in the hall and they are like "What Are YOU doing back here!" I asked if I could get frequent flier miles for coming so much and we got a good chuckle out of that. I try to stay hopeful and positive. I continue to pray for strength and courage!! THANK you all for the continued prayers and support!!

I am going to be resting in bed today...I wish a little fairy would clean my house (wouldn't that be nice) That's the worst...having dishes that are 4 days old still in my sink and having absolutely NO energy to do anything!!

February 21, 2009

MY FAIRY CAME!!! My mom had to work yesterday but then I got a phone call after I posted and she said they put too many people on the schedule and she decided to come over!!! whooahoo....could this mean what I think it means???  YES!! she came over with snacks so I could eat them...and did my laundry, dishes, wiped down my counters, and even vacummed...I guess it is pay back for all of the times I helped her with her being down because of her pregnancies.  I am soooo grateful.  I love my MOM!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Holy COW!!

It has been one rOaLlErCoAsTeR ride!!....
Where do I even begin? Let's start with the good news!!
I am StIlL prEgO!
I had a little incident that took me to the hospital on the 27th last month that scared me.
I thought for sure I was loosing my baby again. That is an indescribable emotion I could never comprehend before it happened. I had to leave work early and they were all worried about me...they didn't know I was pregnant. Well, I went back to the hospital on 31st for the same incident and they told me everything looked fine. My first ultrasound tech I had on the 27th remembered me from my other visit and she was so nice! I got to see my baby's heart beating...whooah what a relief! Then I had an appt. to see my Dr. on Monday and I also had an ultrasound. Everything looked good...My baby measured 8 mm. Tiny!! Yet my belly is not so tiny anymore and it's only 8 mm....I am ScArED!!
I have to say I am grateful for the Priesthood. Rusty and my Dad gave me a blessing on Sunday. This has been a scary emotional time but also EXTREMELY exciting!! My mom already bought my baby diapers and a cute little book to read! She is soooo EXCITED!! So is my Dad! I pray everything continues to go well! I am going to try to get Rusty to help me put my ultrasound pics on here. I have them on a cd but I can't figure out how to get them pulled up
P.S. My expected DUE date is September 22nd 2009! It's going to be a HOT summer!!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Another Random Post!

So today I am just hanging out by myself right now...

First I woke up and went and got a pedicure with the Fife/Arner Girls!! It was fun and much needed. I can't tell you how great it was to sit back and get a back massage and a hot rock massage on my legs/feet. My toes look pretty!! Happy Birthday to MEGGEN FIFE!!! She is my sister-in-law. All the sisters on Rusty's side get together and get pedicure's and go out for lunch. It is a fun little tradition they have made me apart of. My Birthday is next!! Whoohooo!!

So Rusty is out with one of his guy friends being little kids playing on a Rhino.

I was reading my mom's blog and I thought to myself wow...I am going to be a mother! That is so exciting but so overwhelming at the same time. My mother was such a down to earth and loving mom and I hope I can give that to my children. I love my mom!!

The baby is still making me nauseous. I am hoping it stays just that way! I have been exhausted and my chest has been killing me! Just FYI ;) I can't wait till I or pink?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Just a Regular Day of Jacquie Fife

Ok so I have been so completely exhausted!! I am going to bed at like 7:30 and 8 o'clock.   Rusty thinks he is married to an old grandma!  He sleeps like a baby though so we are on two different spectrums.  It was a odd day today.  Just typical....this is kind of a boring post.  I went to work and then I went to Nordstrom Rack at lunch to pick up my pants!  I also went to lunch with Rusty and now I am watching our FAVORITE show American Idol!!!!!  I love that show

Sunday, January 18, 2009


So...where do I begin!?

We were too excited we spilt our beans!! I am Pregnant!! I am not that far along...I came home on Friday from work and had been feeling like I was pregnant and so I decided to stop at the store and get a test...I came home and took it and it had two lines one in each I though dang....I am NOT pregnant (because the last one I took that was positive had a positive sign on the one side and a line through the other one) but this test was different. So I assumed they were the same and I decided to look at the box and it had a picture of a positive test and I looked at mine and compared back and forth and I was like I AM pregnant!! :) So nonetheless, we are excited...I feel like a dork I told everyone soo soon but hey I need the extra support!!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Lights FLASHED us!!!

Rusty and I laughed the whole way home last night and when I think of what happened it makes me laugh right now!

So last night....

1. We went out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse and got our favorite meal a rack of ribs and a sweet potato LOADED with marshmallows and for Rusty EXTRA LOADED!! :)

2. Then we came home to wait for Mark and Annie to get a babysitter. Rusty sat on the computer looking at stocks and real estate his new hobby....while I took a cat nap on the couch.

3. We met up with Mark and Annie at Mark's parents and decided to go see a 9:50 movie "Benjamin Button." I thought for sure Rusty was going to fall asleep because he is famous for that ANYTIME we watch a movie...but he didn't. I have to say it was pretty good considering I didn't fall asleep and the movie got out at 1 AM!!

4. We dropped Mark and Annie off at Mark's parents and headed home....when Rusty wanted to show me a house he liked in Val Vista Lakes (yes at 1 AM) So I resisted but he persisted and we drove into the neighborhood. After looking at the house we pulled over to the side of the road (much like our dating days...) and we were the surprised by SPOTLIGHTS in our car. It was a cop!! He totally caught us Kissing!! So he came up to rusty and asked if everything was OK!!?? Rusty replied yes officer this is my wife and we are on our way home from the movies!! :)

Is that not hilarious!!???