Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Dream.

This is Kaden's Last Video.  He was a starven marven in the hospital...but this is one thing I remember him doing the most.  I would wake up to him doing this in his bed...rarely crying for food, just trying to please himself by eating his own hands.

This pregnancy has given me some of the most random, crazy, wonderful, wierd, awesome dreams.  They are almost as if it is real life.

I dreamt last night.  Kaden.  He never left us.  He was turning one years old and he was actually at his birthday party.  We had it at a park and I did nothing but chase him around! He was starting to learn to walk.  I can't remember exactly what he looked like.  But...his cleft was fixed, no oxygen, no feeding tube, and FULL of life.  He had chubby cheeks and those AMAZING eyes of his!!! He was FULL OF LIFE!! It was adorable to see him and so wonderful to be his mother who he needed. 

My friend Heidi Bishop was there with her little bugger Austin. We had a joint birthday party because we only thought it was appropriate since they were like basically twins born a day apart and to seperate families.  They had fun together as I always knew they would.  I remember taking a picture....the picture was with me, Kaden, Heidi, and Austin.  A picture I wish I had....but someday I will.

I love when I have dreams of Kaden.  I woke up and didn't really remember that I had one until I was going through Kaden's Closet (cleaning it out and packing it...cause we are moving!!) and it dawned on me- "YOU HAD A DREAM OF KADEN!!! :)"  I told Rusty all about it and I just told him mostly I can just remember his eyes....they were magical!

Friday, July 16, 2010


Today, I am twelve weeks pregnant!  The point where a lot of people start telling everyone they are pregnant.  I told much earlier...in fact the week I found out! But...that is besides the point.  I have been thinking alot about Mr. Kaden today.  He has been on my mind alot.  I can't begin to express how much I miss him.  A part of me is missing...and then it occured to me today....I am twelve weeks.  With Kaden that would have meant I am HALFWAY.  That thought is insane. 

Although, I am already showing MUCH MUCH quicker this time {I think the 10lbs I could have lost but didn't can be somewhat to account for that} and although I am hotter than heck: I WOULD NOT CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLD!! nor....would I dare want to say I am SO done....like many pregnant women constantly say! 

I am grateful to be pregnant.  I have had some complications already but I am doing alright at the moment.  I go back to see my doctor in a week to have a checkup and an ultrasound.  I MIGHT might find out the sex of the baby {I found out with Kaden at 13 weeks too!}  Rusty is convinced it is a girl and I mean convinced.  He has not spoke one word about it being a boy or even boy names.  Rusty was right last time so I trust him! :)  I am not really sure what I think....I guess I don't think it will be a boy but then again....I thought that with Kaden.  The main consences is GIRL....so what do YOU think!!!???

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I feel so creative!!

So my this is my new blog!!
I am getting used to navigating it with the sidebar on the left instead of right. 

I am also trying to figure out how I like not having pictures at the header.

Tell me what ya think!!?

Monday, July 12, 2010


Happy Anniversary!!
I never could have imagined the joy and sorrow we would have already felt together by this point.
We truly are best friends and I am so grateful for our marriage.
It is far from perfect but we are trying.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Smile Train

I recieved this letter via email:


Last week, on June 30th, the last day of our fiscal year, we finished our most successful year ever.
Over the past 12 months, we have helped more children in more countries, trained more doctors in more ways, acquired more donations and more new donors, than any other year.

While most charities in America are laying off and cutting back, Smile Train is speeding up.
Sometimes, we are moving so fast, and trying to do so much, that we forget to thank the people who are helping to make all of this possible.

So at least once a year, at the end of the year, I always try to take the time to stop, and send a special thank you to the folks who make the Smile Train possible.

People like you.

I want you to know that you are a very, very important part of our program, and although we never thank you as much as we should, we truly do appreciate your help and your support.

We never take it for granted – and we never forget that we could do nothing without it.

I promise you that.

On behalf of all 24 employees working hard here at our New York headquarters and our other 19 employees in China, India, Vietnam, Mexico, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Thailand, Philippines, Russia and Kenya,

thank you for helping us help these kids!

All the best,

Smile Train

A big thank you to those of you who donated or bought things from Spitz and Splatters to help donate to Kaden's Memorial Fund at Smile Train.

It makes me smile everytime I get a letter with progress and pictures. 
We make it possible in a small but very large way!

Wendesday July 14th