Tuesday, July 1, 2014


This was the day Kaden was born- June 5, 2009
He weighed 1 pound 14 ounces and was 24 weeks 2 days gestational age.
Being the first time parents that we were we were overwhelmed, scared and naïve.

I had complications with my pregnancy that put me on bed rest starting at 12 weeks.  I was 23 weeks when I starting feeling like something really wasn't right.  I decided to go to labor and delivery to make sure.  I was at a 1 and 80 percent.  I didn't know what that meant at the time and tried to ask my mom and the nurse but they wouldn't tell me.  All I know is that they wanted to keep me for observation which resulted in admitted to the hospital.  I was at Banner Gateway Hospital.  They are not a level 3 NICU and so I wanted to be transferred to Banner Dessert. Which I finally convinced my doctor to let me transfer before viability.

This picture was taken on Father's day when we were doing what they called his "care's."  His incubator is open in this picture so we could change his diaper, take his temp and weigh him.

We knew before his was born that he would have a cleft lip.  His younger brother Karter had one as well. They both have this same concerned look! Keaton and Kaden resemble each other the most in my opinion.

He was still in the NICU but this was him getting much healthier. Only requiring oxygen to breath.

Rusty loved to sit at Kaden's bedside.  We just had to let him grow and get healthier so we were not able to do to much with him.  Our daily routine consisted of- I would get ready at home, do a few things, eat, pack a lunch, and come down and sit with Kaden and do as many "cares" as I could do while I was there. Rusty would go to work and them come after work and spend a couple hours before we would go home.

Kaden could live in the bath.  He was always so calm and happy in the bath!

This picture was taken on my actual due date- September 22nd. I am not sure exactly how much he weighed but I think he was 5 lbs and a couple ounces. It was a hard day for me thinking the what if he was just born on his due date.
We were home! He was doing well and growing.  He was still requiring oxygen, apnea monitor, pulse ox and feeding tube but we were just excited to be home with him feeling like a "normal" family.
 This is what leaving our apartment looked like.  It was no easy task and took some preparation but we liked to get out every once in a while.  If we left the house it was for an outing to grandparents or to the doctor.  It was winter time and with his health being so compromised we couldn't risk taking him out anywhere.  We did take him to Jersey Mike's once on a date and we kept him hidden in the stroller.
He started requiring more oxygen at home and so we took him to the cardiologist to have an echocardiogram.  He had severe pulmonary hypertension.  He was addimited back in the hospital this time into the PICU.  My worst fears were coming true.

He was not progressing in the hospital and we knew he was not going to get better so we had to make the decision to take him off life support. He was 5 days shy of 6 months old.
I debated if I should include this but I think it depicts such love that we have for Kaden and each other.  It has been almost five years.  When I say that it feels like so long ago but not long ago all at the same time. Rusty has been my rock through the good and hard times since.
I wish this picture wasn't so blurry but it is at the gravesite. You can see how surrounded with love we were bore up.
Although I am huge and almost ready to pop with our third boy Keaton in this picture I had to include this.  This was on Easter 2013.  Easter has a whole new meaning for me than it did before loosing Kaden.  I know because of Our Savior's love, the Resurrection and the Atonement we are able to be with our son Kaden again someday.

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