How to HeLp....

This picture makes me sad. It also makes me happy that I put my Christmas tree up really early this year. Thos presents are still under our tree. They are Kaden's. Two are books. One is 3 month shirts. And the last one is toys from baby einstein. We will still open them. What we will do with them I am not sure...maybe keep them for our next baby? I don't know. We never got a Christmas with our sweet Kaden. For that it makes me soo sad.

This past Sunday in church I lost it and went to the bathroom that no one goes to to cry. There was a baby blessing. A little girl whose mom and I were pregnant at the same time due only days apart. She had her baby on my due date. The "what if's" and "if onlys" started pilling in my head. I know I shouldn't do that...but it happens. The mom obviously knew I would probably have a hard time and came up to me, gave me a hug, and told me she loved me. thoughtful. very thoughtful.

Constantly, people tell me they don't know what to say to me. They try to avoid bringing their kids around me thinking that I am going to do who knows what? The avoid me like I have the plague! I have found a girls blog who I am stealing this from. Her name is Bethany. She also lost her son. Hope this helps you to know how to deal with a person who is grieving the loss of a loved one.

1. First and formost, TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if its uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person who has passed, or know them very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them trough stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief. Grieving never stops, it just changes. Don't be suprised when they still express grief one year later, five, ten years later...etc.

4. Cliche statements such as, "They are in a better place" really aren't comforting to the person grieving. It only belittles their natural and normal emotions. This also goes for "At least they aren't in pain anymore" "Heavenly Father needed him/her" "His/her mission was over" "At least now you don't have to worry about them anymore" Pretty much if it begins with "At Least.." or "But..." just don't say it.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

13. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are "really" doing unless they feel safe in exposing their true thoughts, and like you truly want to understand. Make time to ask "How are you doing?" when you are in an appropriate place that offers some privacy and you have time to sit down and "truly" listen. (not appropriate places include the grocery store, or the hallway at church!)

These were just some but I thought they were words taken from my brain....

Hope all of you have a Merry Christmas!