Friday, August 13, 2010

The Fear of Forgetting

Esentially, this is the main cause of my grief right now.  I am in a good place mostly.  I feel I have come a long way from the first initial months of shock and disbelief.  I am growing with my grief.  I went to the movie Charlie St. Cloud with two girlfriends.  I had no idea what it was about but I knew that I was going with girlfriends I love and I also knew it was a "chick flick" that I would enjoy. 

Charlie St. Cloud losses his brother in a car accident.  Previous to the accident; Charlie and his brother made a promise to each other to meet in the same place every day at the same time to practice baseball. Well, after the brother passed away this would still happen and it would be their only encounter.  Charlie was terrified of not showing up every day in fear that his brother would feel he was forgetting him. 

That cut me to the core.  I could never let that happen to my little Kaden.  I would never want him to feel that I or his Dad was forgetting about him.  I know it will not happen but I feel like there are tools that I can use to help bring me rememberence of him.

Last night, I went to enrichment.  It was neat and much needed.  Our theme was back to school and so we had a seminary class, math class(time management), and homec class(meal planning).  The teacher who taught the seminary class was inspired (all were) but I felt a strong spirit in her class almost saying "you needed to be here and you needed to here this." 

She spoke of her grandmother that she loved dearly.  How they were close friends and how she was the first person who died that was really close to her.  She spoke of her grief and spoke of the fear of forgetting.  She then listed on the board what she said she could physically do to remember her.

Here was her list:
1. think
2. visual
3. visit
4. read
5. write

Then she related this to the Savior.  I was touched.  We are not only seperated from our son Kaden we are seperated from our Heavenly Parents as he is seperated from us.  So we too feel that pain in a way that Kaden feels for us.  We are also seperated from our brother-Jesus Christ.  I asked myself why does being seperated from Kaden seem more difficult to bear?  Should it be? Should I feel guilty for that?  NO....for humans it is hard to remember people we are physically with who pass on sometimes so it is more challanging to remember fully what it was like to be with our Savior when we can only remember spiritually...I could be wrong but I think as we develop more of a relationship with our Savior we will feel the bitterness with the sweet.  How can I keep a relationship with someone I don't remember physically being with only spiritually....esentially the same way! 

Here is how:
1. think
2. visual
3. visit
4. read
5. write

I think about how neat this is.  How often do we think about the Savior?  How many visual reminders do we have in our homes of him or how often do we attend the temple to help visual remember him?  How often do we visit places that help us remember?  How often do we read of him?  and how often do we write about him?  I know I could do better...could you?

"I am grateful God allows trials and tragedies to occor in our lives---
not because they are easy or because they're desired,
but because they help us LOVE."
This video will change the way you think about your life.
Please watch it.

3 comments :

  1. Oh Fi'Fe, I just you so much! I'm glad you had such a good night and enrichment...even though secretly I wished you were with me at Ikea eating amazing sweetish meatballs! :)

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  2. i've been reading your blog for awhile and i am so inspired by your faith and courage. you and your husband are truely blessed for the trials you have indured. you are amazing! i pray for the best for you.

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