6 weeks

I have been thinking alot about these next few weeks.  Kaden was 177 days old when he passed away.  If he were to have been born on his original due date September 23rd he would have only been 68 days old.  That would have made him a corrected age of approximately 9 weeks.  Karter is a little over 6 weeks old right now and ddevelopmentally he was about where Kaden was (minus the head control.)  They both have now smiled at me.  A time with Kaden that will be treasured forever and moments with Karter that will never be taken for granite

Karter has been able to do things I did not do with Kaden.  I took Kaden to Yogurt Land and Jersey Mikes only one time for Rusty and I to go on a date.  I also took him to Hobby Lobby once.  The only places Kaden was able to go was our house and my moms and he went to Rusty's parents once or twice I can't remember exactly.  We were not able to take him around little kids at all.  He was not able to meet all his cousins nor my cousins for that matter.  It makes me sad.  I wish they were able to have bonded with him and got to know him. 

Karter has been able to meet all his cousins and mine.  All of his Aunts and Uncles have held him.  He has gone out with us to restaurants and on errands with me.  To pack him up in the car is quick and easy.  Kaden took a little more time and effort but we did not care! 

I have not took Karter to church with us yet.  It makes me so nervous. People sometimes bring their kids to church sick (I hate it but it's true)  and I think I still have that paranoidness from Kaden lingering within me.  I fear Karter will somehow get sick and wind up in the hospital and die.  There I said it.  When one of your children dies you are not protected from having another die too.  Makes me sick to my stomach! 

Pretty soon it will feel like Kaden is not the "oldest" sibling because Karter will surpass him Developmentally even though Kaden was just shy of 6 months old when he died.  That makes me sad.  I have been thinking about this alot. 

But one thing that is neat to me is that one day Karter will ask me to tell him stories about his older brother.  And he will get to know him through my memories.  I am so grateful for the memories......

It is weird for me to think I have been a mother for over 15 months but my babies are all about 2ish months in "age."  Not too sure how fair that is....to them or for me...

Holding Karter....Missing Him....