Thursday, March 10, 2011

This is Our Story

I went to the scrub store today to try on new scrubs.  I am going back to work in a couple weeks part time and needed to check this off on my things to do.  I got to talking with the girl who helped me.  It got me thinking (along with this post from my sweet friend).  And I am realizing something.

I hate meeting new people. Hate it.  I never used to hate it. I like it once they have gotten to know me a little better and things aren't so awkward.  Do you know why I hate it?  because THIS is OUR STORY.
I changed the title of my blog the other day and I think it is a bit more fitting.  Because really the reason I write this blog is so people can know OUR story. a nutshell here it is.

Rusty and I meet in October of 2006.  We both went to a Halloween party late one night and as I walked in Rusty and Gavin were walking out.  I walked in with another guy but started talking to my friend Gavin and noticed he had a really HOT friend! ;) Rusty and I started chatting and found conversation to be very easy and flowing.  We ended up going to ihop and laughed and flirted.  We ended up dating and got married in July of 2007. 

We were just your regular couple living in a dinky apartment behind someone house who then moved to the pool house behind Rusty's brother house.  We both worked and both enjoyed having fun with each other, other couples. 

Then there came a day that we wanted to have children.  We got pregnant after a couple months of trying with it ending in a very short pregnancy and miscarriage.  I had to wait a couple months to try and get pregnant again and I did.  It happened fairly quickly.  I still remember where I was standing when I called Rusty at work to let him know I was pregnant.  Things were going better this time until one day when I had cramping and bleeding.  I thought OH we go again. my surprise our little Kaden still had a strong heartbeat.  Most of you know how I was on bed rest for 3 months and than had to be admitted to the hospital at 22 weeks pregnant.  I was able to fight with my little "fighter" to stay pregnant until I was 24 weeks and 2 days and then my body decided it was time. 

I had my first- Kaden at 24 weeks and 2 days.  Weighing in at 1 pound 14 ounces (big for a 24 weeker).  He fought for 4 months to gain weight, breath, pee and poop.  It was much to our surprise and liking that we were able to bring him home.  He was home for 47 days approximately seven weeks.  We than had to take him to the hospital.  He was in for it again.  He was 177 days old when he died.  The last weight I knew he was 9 pounds 7 ounces.  I could tell you so much more but for the sake of being brief this is it. 

Grieving has been interesting.  I can't explain the pain.  It. hurts. too. much. to even be really is indescribable.

I got to a point in my mind where I wanted to love again.  Not. an. easy. task.  I wanted another baby to love on and spoil.  Never to replace my Kaden.  It was not an easy task and thinking too deeply about the fact that I could have had my fluke complications with Kaden's pregnancy again was too. much. to think. about.  I knew that if I was wanting and feeling up to the idea of getting pregnant that is what I should do.  I am grateful that I got pregnant immediately because really if I didn't my mind might have stopped me from trying. 

soooo....I guess what I am trying to say is this.  We are NOT your typical family.  To the new people we have to meet....this is our story....We got married almost four years ago.  We have two children.  Rusty works for a sleep disorder company and I am a part time orthodontic assistant.  Our first child lived just shy of 6 months and one is 7 weeks old.  This is why I hate meeting new people.  I usually try to avoid telling them our first died but when you know they will eventually find out I try to tell them in the best way possible..?? is that possible I am not too sure.  It just gets awkward after telling them.  Like Deer in the headlights...did she just say that??? look at me.  I hate that I think more than I hate meeting new people or is it that that's why I hate meeting new people....and then there is my son Karter's Cleft Lip that some people are socially normal and just ask "is he able to eat ok?" and that leads me into an explanation.  I think my baby is ADORABLE and will his lip be fixed so he is able to talk normal, eat normal, and not have snot run into his mouth??? yes.  it will be but in the mean time....I wish people knew how to deal with it!

My life has taught me something about the human race.  We want everything to be perfect.  We want life to be perfect.  Live in a perfect house.  Have perfect children. Have a perfect marriage.  Life is NOT perfect!! It is messy and mine is a mess that is EASY to see...and that my friends is why it's so hard  for me to meet new people...sometimes I wish I could say yes Rusty and I have been married almost four years.  We have two children.  and when the inevitable question how old are they comes I wish I could say almost 2 years old and 7 weeks old.  But I can't. and that is why We are NOT typical.  Does being unique make me I hope it can teach me all I was intended to learn....cause that is the point right?
Ok the NOVEL ends here.


  1. And I read the entire novel because I feel the very same way. when people ask if I have kids, I don't know whether to say yes or no. Yes, but she's in heaven... then comes the instant awkwardness and sympathy that I can't stand. so sometimes I just say no to avoid it. It's terrible.

    And Jacquie, your little Karter is BEAUTIFUL!!!!

  2. I like your new title to your blog. I know exactly how you are feeling with not wanting to have to tell people but to tell them and the awkwardness it can cause. When I am talking to my paitients they almost ALWAYS ask how many kids I have and sometimes it can be really hard.

    PS Both Kaden and Karter are so adorable! I think they are perfect. Karter is healthy and happy, what more could anyone ask for?

  3. Thanks girls!! I have no doubt my kids are adorable...haha :) but some people see imperfections before they see beauty! that could be a post all by itself! ;) I Can't begin to explain the gratitude I have that Karter was a whooping 8 pounds 11 ounces and healthy!! :)

  4. I am so glad that you and Rusty rode in our car to lake powell or I don't think we would of had the chance to get to know each other so well. I think it's totally normal to not like to meet new people, or shy away from it, especially when you know there is a story that has to be told with it. I love you and I miss you! Let's eat, laugh, and play movie though or Rusty will fall asleep!! Muah!

  5. I got to see your Karter today at Gma's house! Such a sweetie! As far as your story, we all have one, it is always awkward to explain (Brenn gave her eye to a stranger in a grocery store when she was 18 months old!) Love you!