I felt the need to think my thoughts on paperish...so here I am. I think I am finally really realizing this is my new life. It is me and my husband. We have a son named Kaden. He only spent a short time with us here on earth. He is now living beyond the veil. I pray and hope I can be worthy enough to spend the eternities with him. He taught us so much while he was here. So many times I find myself reminding myself that he lived. It feels like a very quick real dream. Ya know those really really vivid ones? BUT I know it's not a dream. I could never feel the love I feel for him if I only were to have known him in my dreams.
I have my moments still of course but I am healing a bit I think. OH the process.....it is so confusing, sad and strange. Kaden came and now he is gone. He is gone. It is our new life. We are growing, living, and healing. I can't say I am fully to the point of acceptance. The stages of grief are like the wind. They change with each passing day, hour, minute and second. I long to be with him but without him I must be. At least for now. I often think of that joyous reunion we will have one day. It brings tears. literally. OH the JOY! Someday just not now.
As for how I have been feeling lately...well just mostly tired. Working alot and sleeping alot. I can't complain too much. I am just grateful to be expecting another Baby Fife.