Realizing...

I felt the need to think my thoughts on paperish...so here I am.  I think I am finally really realizing this is my new life.  It is me and my husband.  We have a son named Kaden.  He only spent a short time with us here on earth.  He is now living beyond the veil.  I pray and hope I can be worthy enough to spend the eternities with him.  He taught us so much while he was here.  So many times I find myself reminding myself that he lived.  It feels like a very quick real dream.  Ya know those really really vivid ones?  BUT I know it's not a dream.  I could never feel the love I feel for him if I only were to have known him in my dreams.

I have my moments still of course but I am healing a bit I think.  OH the process.....it is so confusing, sad and strange.  Kaden came and now he is gone.  He is gone.  It is our new life.  We are growing, living, and healing.  I can't say I am fully to the point of acceptance.  The stages of grief are like the wind.  They change with each passing day, hour, minute and second.  I long to be with him but without him I must be.  At least for now.  I often think of that joyous reunion we will have one day.  It brings tears. literally.  OH the JOY! Someday just not now.

As for how I have been feeling lately...well just mostly tired.  Working alot and sleeping alot.  I can't complain too much.  I am just grateful to be expecting another Baby Fife.