This sweet boy filled our 2009 with so much Joy. 2009 will be a year we will never forget. It changed us. He changed us.
We decided to get Kaden a set of Mickey Ears from Disneyland to honor him. We were wishing he was there with us. We talked about him a lot that day. We will put this on my mom's Disneyland Tree for Christmas every year in memory of our sweet boy.
What a year! How could ONE year pass by and bring me more joy, fear, and sorrow than I have EVER experienced in my entire life!? I say joy because that is exactly what he was to me a joy! Kaden was an absolute joy! He was my little buddy that kept me company...he filled my days with purpose and love. He taught me so much in his short little life.
So Rusty and I went on vacation...for the first time since March '09. We went to California for three and a half days. We had hotel points for 4 nights and found this a perfect time to take a much need vacation. Before we left I was feeling much anxiety...I couldn't figure out why until we said a prayer. I hadn't left since I was pregnant with Kaden. I was dedicated to him 24/7 being on bedrest during my pregnancy and then once he got here there was no leaving town. It brought me anxiety leaving realizing that my little boy really is not here. He is not here. Words I don't like to say. Little things such as leaving town, taking down the Christmas decorations, putting away his clothes and ringing in a new year brings more realization to me that he is not here. I miss him greatly. At times it physically hurts that he is gone. Literally my body and mind ache for him. But oh the comfort I feel knowing what I know. My sweet husband is amazing. He is my best friend. When I cry he willingly gives me his shoulder to cry on. He tells me it is ok to cry because it is! I have my good days too...I absolutely LOVE to talk about my sweet boy! It reminds me of the joy and love I have for him. My hope for 2010 is to continue to enjoy sweet memories of my sweet boy, and to really accomplish some personal goals of mine!
Happy New Year Everyone!! Hope 2010 is filled with much joy!