Today was my first day back to work. Today I enjoyed the company of the girls I work with. Today I worked my butt off (still there though dang it :)) Today I realized this is my new today. Today I missed Kaden. Today I realized this today was my new reality (at least for now). Today at lunch I broke down. Today I wanted to come home or even go visit Kaden. Today put into perspective that I will not see Kaden after work anymore. Today was my first day (full time) back in almost a year. Today I missed Kaden.
This is not what I wanted or planned. I am grateful for the sweet girls I work with though...I realized that I am back to work and don't get to enjoy being a stay at home mom for a while...it hurt. Today I hurt!
I had a tough day yesterday too. I miss him so much. I laid in bed last night real still trying to feel him like I did when he stayed with me one of the nights. I could almost feel him.
ReplyDeletei love you jacquie...hang in there...i am so proud of you and your ability to speak freely about all the emotions you feel...keep doing it...thinking of you always...
ReplyDeleteIt's weird to think the world is still the same old world when yours has shattered.
ReplyDeleteAnd your world will never be the same. Sigh.
Jacquie, I cant say I know what you're feeling, because its never happened to me. But I felt this awful gut-wrenching loss when my dad--your grandpa died. It still hurts, this big hole is always there. I ache for you. It doesnt go away, and sometimes you just want to scream. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI was looking through old Pictures the other night and I found a couple of you and me. It seems like so long ago that we were going to the good old 70th ward. So much has changed since then. I hope you and Rusty are doing okay. I think about Kaden often even though I never met him. He sure was a precious boy.
ReplyDeleteI heard a quote somewhere the other day, it said things that can't be cured must be endured. I thought that's probably what it's like to loose a child, the pain would just have to be endured. You are so amazing, such a great mom. Kaden was such a blessing, and he was totally blessed! Love ya girl, hang in there!
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