Monday, January 4, 2010

Today.

Today was my first day back to work. Today I enjoyed the company of the girls I work with. Today I worked my butt off (still there though dang it :)) Today I realized this is my new today. Today I missed Kaden. Today I realized this today was my new reality (at least for now). Today at lunch I broke down. Today I wanted to come home or even go visit Kaden. Today put into perspective that I will not see Kaden after work anymore. Today was my first day (full time) back in almost a year. Today I missed Kaden.
This is not what I wanted or planned. I am grateful for the sweet girls I work with though...I realized that I am back to work and don't get to enjoy being a stay at home mom for a while...it hurt. Today I hurt!

6 comments :

  1. I had a tough day yesterday too. I miss him so much. I laid in bed last night real still trying to feel him like I did when he stayed with me one of the nights. I could almost feel him.

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  2. i love you jacquie...hang in there...i am so proud of you and your ability to speak freely about all the emotions you feel...keep doing it...thinking of you always...

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  3. It's weird to think the world is still the same old world when yours has shattered.
    And your world will never be the same. Sigh.

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  4. Jacquie, I cant say I know what you're feeling, because its never happened to me. But I felt this awful gut-wrenching loss when my dad--your grandpa died. It still hurts, this big hole is always there. I ache for you. It doesnt go away, and sometimes you just want to scream. I'm sorry.

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  5. I was looking through old Pictures the other night and I found a couple of you and me. It seems like so long ago that we were going to the good old 70th ward. So much has changed since then. I hope you and Rusty are doing okay. I think about Kaden often even though I never met him. He sure was a precious boy.

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  6. I heard a quote somewhere the other day, it said things that can't be cured must be endured. I thought that's probably what it's like to loose a child, the pain would just have to be endured. You are so amazing, such a great mom. Kaden was such a blessing, and he was totally blessed! Love ya girl, hang in there!

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