Friday, February 26, 2010

{live in the moment...}

So I must admit I was inspired my friend's blog...go HERE!
I have been pondering this a bit since my last Sunday School lesson. Weird how it totally was not about that but how the spirit can speak to you...ya know what I mean!?
I will be making something in enrichment with the quote on it:
The PAST is behind
learn from it
The FUTURE is ahead
prepare for it
The PRESENT is now
live in it.
-Thomas S. Monson (I think)
I have been pondering a LOT lately...I often think to myself. How can I find JOY in today!?
There is also this talk I LOVE.
(where this quote is from)
Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)
Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.
The writer of Ecclesiastes said, “To every thing there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under the heaven:
“A time to be born, and a time to die.” (Eccl. 3:1–2; see also Alma 12:27.)
How can I, Me, Jacquie find Joy while I am in the season of Mourning...
I will always mourn Kaden's Death. But I will go through seasons...I do now.
I have good days where when I think of him...I have peace and joy.
I have moments/days where the mere thought of his presence not being with me makes me want to crumble.
IT is always, always, always with me.
Day in and Day out.
There is not a second he is not on my mind.
I miss him.
My heart longs for him, my mind longs for him, my arms long for him, everything about me LONGS to see, touch, hear, and feel him.
That is not wrong!
but...I am discovering the more I LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
{find joy in serving, reading scriptures, attending church, being with my family/friends, thinking of the joy Kaden brought me, etc...}
I am able to find that little bit of Joy that sustains me and keeps me going.
Notice my new side bar picture of Kaden:
{the day he smiled at me for the first time}
I took time that day to LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
{that is a moment that will be treasured FOREVER!}
there are multiple times a day I frankly don't
want to live in this moment.
{I want to go back in the PAST when Kaden was here.}
{promise I am not suicidal!}
At this moment Kaden is no longer with us, we only have pictures, and we mourn his passing.
I would much rather have him here to love and squeeze!
His PHYSICAL presence.
but...that is just not so.
I don't have control. I can only have control of my attitude.
Many days...I just think to myself. Why do you ask How are You? do you even care? do you want to know? would you even understand?
now...I don't expect people to understand. But I struggle with this. How am I?! well, besides the fact that I constantly think about my son gone I am not sure how to answer.
This will always be a struggle. A part of me is not here.
I feel an urge and a desire to live a little more in the moment
find a little more joy in my days
{even when this moment is hard.}
(I promise I am having a good day, just pondering out loud is therapeutic)


  1. oh, i just love that quote. it is perfect.

    and i just love you!! you're amazing. truly.

  2. me & you Jacquie... we will just have to stick together. I'm so happy that you were inspired by that quote as well--- {not that it's mine}. BUT I think that it is meant to be shared!


  3. And when we ask "How are you?" it is only because we love you so much and we really do want to know. Me, I ask because I am not there to hug and love you in person. But my heart does truly ache for you, I promise. And the wanting to know how you are is pure love, Jacquie, pure and simple love.

  4. Just to clarify...I have friends and family including you aunt michele that I know really care. They ask that question at appropriate times and places. I appreciate it. I also have people who just ask it to ask not necessarily wanting an anwser. There is a time and place if you really want to know.

    Also, I struggle with this question just because...I think how should I answer? I am doing good? It is just a hard question. Even harder to explain HOW I am doing...that's all!

  5. {NO offense to Michele}- but Jacquie... don't ever feel like you have to EXPLAIN yourself. NEVER! Sometimes.... I find that explaining makes things even harder on myself. I say continue to put it out there-- & never feel obligated to explain! You are great. Others want to comfort you, help you feel loved, and want to help make YOU feel better... and that's ok, BUT please never feel like you owe any of us an explanation. I think that is important.

    Love you Jacquie.