So as I sit here at my messy computer desk with my laptop I think to myself. I think alot. I know believe it or not it is true! :) But, that is what I do. It is March 24, 2009. 6 days short of being seperated from my sweet Kaden for 4 months. Almost as long as his life. Horrible thought I know. But truth. I have come to realize something.
Wait before that I Must mention something. A couple weeks ago I went to lunch. This was no ordinary lunch. I was invited by my friend Brittany. There were 6 ladies total and 3 children. It was mothers. Not just ordinary mothers. Angel Mothers. Yes, we are mothers of Angel children. We talked of our children and many other things. I was the "newest" Angel Mother. I was the only one in the group whose angel was my first.
Honestly, I enjoyed their company. Gained strength from them knowing if they can do this "HARD thing" than I can too. That's when I stopped. I drove from Crackers realizing my taking part in that lunch was more than just to get lunch. I realized why. It hurt deeply. It still does. BUT....
I was inspired to do something. I was inspired even more than just wanting to loose weight but to allow myself to heal in a way. They were all runners. I decided how can I do that?! but...I can. I have. and I DO.
If I miss a day of running/excercising not only am I disappointed but I also do not feel the contement I feel usually. I say contentment because I do feel better.
Today is when I realized something. It hurts to run. You are litterally pushing yourself to grow. Your muscles are breaking down to then be strengthed hence "grow." and it hurts. down to the very core. You feel it in your legs and stomach and calves...etc...and though no one sees the hurt it is there. There are times we may limp because of pain or talk about the pain but mostly it is an invisible hurt. It is so very real.
This type of growing is slow. We don't run 1 mile 1 day and become an olympian.
That is where my title comes in. Growing Pains. We must HURT to GROW. and this hurt is the worst hurt I have ever felt. so I ask myself will I grow the most from this hurt? I pray that I grow from this. I pray that I can grow closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior and that as I do I will grow closer to my son.
Sometimes, I wish to myself I could just become this amazing person over night but it just doesn't happen overnight!