Monday, March 29, 2010

In attempt to...

Express my feelings about some thoughts I had tonight while pondering in the car.
{I like to drive with no music sometimes and just process my thoughts} attempt here I go...
WARNING: it may make you cry.
So as I think about the day Kaden passed away. We had to make a final decission. He was not going to make it and we had to take him off support. HARDEST decision I have EVER made. EVER.
But...I was thinking tonight. Why was it hard? I knew where he was going was beautiful place. I knew he was suffering here. I knew he had served a purpose here. I knew he was part of our Eternal Family. I knew all that. But...It was still hard. It was hard because all the selfish parts of me didn't want to allow him to pass through the veil. I didn't want him to move on before me. It just isn't natural. It's not right. I selfishly wanted to keep him here.
But that is where my LOVE for him comes in. I love and loved him so much. It was the purest love a mother could have for her child. Mother's know of that love. and so it is that love that allowed me to make that hard decision. and I think to myself...
It is His {our Heavenly Father} Love that allowed him to allow us to
come to this earth with agency and suffering.
how selfless....He could have easily choosen to NOT allow us to have angency or pain. He could have easily choosen to make all of us return to him...out of selfishness but it is His LOVE that choose otherwise because he knew of something more.
He knew the bad. All of it. But...He knew the good. He knew that someday because of all our pain, suffering, good, and bad choices that we will {can} grow from it and SOMEDAY experience....
{think of the LOVE he MUST have for us...}

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